Purging my Soul

Technically, I'm trying to get some work done for a Medieval Literature test I have on Thursday, but I need to get some emotion and tension out. Since the end of August, right before school began, my grandma has been in and out of the hospital. She and I had, had a falling out a few years ago, but it had become friendly once again and I saw her nearly every weekend. She suddenly had a seizure, and we have come to find out that she has (now had) two brain tumors. They were quickly removed, but now, she is in rehab actually beginning to do a little better. Despite being my stoney, stoic self, this has really been bothering me. I worry about her a lot and worry what all this stress is doing to my mom and aunts. My uncle/her son has been absent throughout this and only comes in to act as the Monday night quarterback after my aunts make a decision. I'm kind of glad he's staying in Pennsylvania and out of their hair since he usually just causes added stress, and I'm pretty sure my one aunt may kill him if he continues to act like a spoiled child. I'm just worried. I want my grandma to get better. She probably needs chemo or radiation, but it has been put on the back burner until her health and strength return. I don't want her to go through more surgeries. I want her to gain back her strength and come home, especially for if not Thanksgiving, at least Christmas. Thankfully, she's been eating on her own and speaking (though softly) more. Her right side has been weakened, so it's hard for her to walk at the moment. She had a good therapist Dame the other day that she actually LIKES, so we're hoping that maybe we can request he help her since the others act like she's too far gone. My grandma is not feeble, she is not some little old lady. My grandma every Friday would scrub down all the floors and bathrooms and vacuum every godforsaken crevice of that house. I think if she had physical therapy with a vacuum, she may recover faster (haha). Sorry for the rambling, but writing all this is very therapeutic for me. It keeps me from busting out crying when I try to convey this stuff aloud.

Please pray for my grandma, Florence Moore. I want her to get better more than anything.

The Death of Cats

To those who know me in real life, they know I used to want to be a doctor, but recently that idea has gone down the tubes for my own ethical reasons. I have the talent and intelligence for it and could definitely make it through medical school scholastically, but something about dissecting something for the hell of it has turned me off completely.

I research diseases and abnormalities on my own for my writing or just for pleasure, but after a day in anatomy and physiology lab, I decided it was not for me. Kids who were in this class with me will probably think I'm being immature or pathetic, but I can't do it. It wasn't because of blood or organs, it was because of where the creature we were dissecting came from. We were given cats to dissect. My problems with this lab are as follows:

1. It was simply for exploratory purposes, no assignment to accompany it or goals. Just cut and stare. I feel these poor animals gave their lives for us to simply desecrate their bodies with no intellectual gain.
2. I have three cats, and I assume these cats came from a lab or were bought from shelters. These cats were raised to be used for medical or cosmetic research or were in kill shelters and sold to lab companies for the purpose of being cut up. Were these cats abused or neglected during this process? The questionable origins make me not want to engage in this dissection. They were skinny, lacking a decent coat, and all looked as if they were screaming with mouth open, eyes open, and feet clenched, an animal put to sleep are in relaxed positions not tensed.
   
3. Cats aren't as anatomically close to humans as other lab animals are. While pigs and rats deserve a respectable life as well, they are used more often for anatomical research. Rats are a common animal in research labs and would later be used if the students went into that field of research with their biology degree, and baby pigs, which often come from slaughter houses), have similarly shaped and placed anatomy compared to humans, so they could easily replace an expensive human cadaver while still teaching comparative anatomy.
4. They were disposed of like garbage. It always bothers me when people throw their dead pets out with the trash (vet clinics included). My teacher mentioned how the janitors hated cleaning up the trash after these labs. Could you blame them? 10-12 screaming, dead cats in the trash can isn't a pleasant thing to come across. I feel that after these labs, these animals should be cremated (especially since they have been preserved with chemicals that will seep into the ground of a dump and cause havoc) by a special service. We do the lab once a year as anatomy 1 is offered only one semester, how much could it really cost to have them cremated?

I just feel that domesticated animals do not need to be used for testing, laboratory, or academic purposes. They aren't anatomically close to humans nor are they used properly and to their fullest in an academic setting. Unless this is amended, you will not find me in any medical school or research setting. I am not going to sacrifice the life of an animal that could be in a loving home to submit them to torture or to have them live out their life in a cage without a name. I will not raise an animal to kill it. I will not go against my own beliefs that an animal is blessed with a soul as we are. While my field of study is science, I cannot dilute myself into believing that we are devoid of a supernatural connection to the other side and that these experiments do not inflict pain and suffering onto an animal, the most helpless and innocent of creatures. The day I stood staring down at that poor cat, looking over its black and white spots and yellow eyes, I thought of concentration camps, people experiments on and waiting to die. Are these caged and neglected animals, born with only a number and file, any different? In good conscience, I cannot participate, I will not be the final stop for this creature, I will not take a way the last bit of dignity this creature has by destroying its body. I will not participate.

Arabian Nights

Current projects: reading A Thousand and One Arabian Nights and continuing my work on the now titled Earl of Brass.

I am craving Moroccan food incredibly badly right now, but alas, the best place is an hour away near Caldwell. Ugh... all I want is Pastilla au Poulet and Moroccan cigars (an appetizer, I don't smoke). It was so delicious -drools-. Working on this story doesn't help either as my main character is rather wrapped up in the tastes of the near and far East. Oh, Eilian, why must you make me think of curry and Japanese cuisine!? I'm also researching tuberculosis, aka consumption in the Victorian Era, which is kind of a pain in the rear. On the internet, so many pages just barely mention how it effected the era or they discuss drug resistant TB, which didn't exist in the Victorian Era since there weren't any drugs to treat it. I found a book in my room that focuses on the historical context of disease with a section on TB, so hopefully, it'll be more helpful to me.

Writing has been ultra slow recently due to work and research. Work is okay, hits slow points throughout the day unfortunately, but it isn't bad at all. I think I need some inspiration (which I really want to come from Arabian Nights), but as of right now, I'm brain dead still. On a brighter note, I get to see Cirque du Soliel's latest production Zarkana in July!!! I can't wait!

Mommy's Little Distraction

Mommy's favorite little distraction is a sheltie mix named Edgar. As you can see, he spends most of his time nipping at my feet, chilling in my arms, or chewing unknowing toys to death (or ice cubes now that he's teething). Let's just say my productivity has greatly diminished since he arrived several months ago, and with school, it was nearly impossible to get anything for fun done. Despite starting work in the next few days, I will be working on my story that involves a zeppelin and an archaeologist with only one arm. Well, that takes me back to the good old days of actually enjoying what I'm writing. Soon, it'll be back to science classes, tears, and hair between my fingers after I have ripped it out. For now, I will enjoy my summer, especially when I get to see Cirque du Soleil around my birthday. (I also hope you all enjoyed my color pajama pants and oddly patterned hoodie).

Another One Bites the Dust

Well, Osama Bin Laden is dead now, supposedly confirmed by DNA analysis (anyone else wonder how they got results so fast when everyone else waits a month for a blood test?). While I'm glad that he is dead, I have to wonder what will be the backlash of this act. He NEEDED to die, but even if you kill the leader, another is ready to take his place. I know I won't be stepping foot on a plane for a while. I get annoyed, stop playing all the patriot music on the radio until we know they won't blow something up or crash a plane into another building. There WILL be some sort of retaliation. It was a great call for Obama, very gutsy, but we need to calm down and think for a moment.

School Up the Whazzoo

The title should be self explanatory. I've been bogged down with tons of school work recently, and over spring break, rather than do work, I did... nothing. Oh well, it seems like everyone did nothing too. I have a fantasy-scifi conference in April for which I have to do an essay. The topic is fairly easy but getting it done is killing me. I have a big organic chemistry test Monday (every organic test is big), which is hanging over me like a piano in Looney Toons. -Sigh- why must everyone want something out of me at the same time?

Just as a side note, and I won't get into this, but if you're in a class involving creativity, you should be able to handle criticism. There, I've gotten it out of my system.

Japan

The internet is the greatest way to spread the word and connect the world. Everyone knows (unless you live under the proverbial rock) that Japan has suffered through an 8.9 earthquake and a tsunami that has wiped out whole villages near the coast. While earthquakes are common in that region, the tsunami has devastated the country almost up the entire coast. Their national guard and red cross cannot handle the amount of damage. They're running low on body bags, and it is estimated that there are at least 10,000 dead. We live in a country as developed (or even less) than theirs. Remember Hurricane Katrina, the tsunami in the pacific only two years ago, and even in history, there was an earthquake and tsunami that destroyed Lisbon in 1755. We need to ban together and send money and supplies as soon as possible. To donate $10, text redcross to 90999. You can also called 1800redcross or to donate by mail, go to www.redcross.org and hover over 'giving and getting involved' and click 'mail' to get the form you have to print and place in the envelope with your donation. I wish the best for the people of Japan and pray that they will find their loved ones alive and safe.

TGIF yet?

Today was the best weather we have had in like four months. It was so beautiful outside that I (uncharacteristically) walked around campus for like two hours on and off. I have barely worked on the fourth chapter of my story, which is utterly pitiful. I have mostly been working on my mini stories for creative writing. Oh my god, I HATE page restrictions! 500-750 words are not nearly enough, and happily, my latest story was allowed to be six pages (which still wasn't enough but was adequate). I'm currently working on a new version of the Hades and Persephone myth, and it's actually coming out pretty well. This is not the naive, sweet Persephone from ancient mythology, she's quite bad ass actually (as my boyfriend calls her). Consolation to all my work: 4 day long weekend. Need I say more?

Yes, the Cat Does Look Like That

I've been away for over a week. Oops, school has been a bit hectic. At times, I feel like I'm spinning my wheels as I try to catch up. I have a conference paper to write by the end of March (it's due in April, but I have to perfect it and practice presenting it) as well as do all my normal work. I'm trying to make time to work on it nearly every weekend if possible (or if I remember). Currently, one of the cats has taken up residency on my lap, making himself a buffer between me and my work. I'd kick him off if he wasn't so damn cute... and warm. I'm done with chapters two and three (yay!) and am now trying to slowly conquer chapter four while still fending off homework. I love and hate the beginning of the school year. I love the fact that the work isn't all consuming yet, and I can still work on my side projects, but I hate how I'm still not up to my normal work and seem to only be running at about 80%. All my classes seem all right. Cell biology is boring and a pain since I'm constantly outlining. Western Heritage is okay, my teacher's voice fluctuates randomly, which keeps me on my toes. Organic chemistry is.... organic chemistry. My French Immigration class seems interesting and my teacher seems very nice and personable. Creative Writing is a bit hard for me even though I write a lot. I'm not exactly used to a set prompt or guideline, and sometimes I don't get exactly what is asked of me, but luckily the teacher is willing to explain it and go into detail.

2 Chapters Completely Complete

I just sent my second chapter to my teacher. I hope she gives me good feedback for it. I would like to improve my work as best I can. It's a much slower, less eventful chapter than the first one is, but you have to slow between the pep.

Ugh, today, I'm waiting to hear from my college's finacial aid office to see if my scholarship would continue past the normal four years since I want to double major and biology takes up more credits than other majors do. -sigh- I really hope they tell me "yes." I would love to double major in biology and English.

PS- I keep getting hives, WHY?!

1,001 Arabian Nights

Hmmm.... anyone know where I can find a good translation of 1,001 Arabian Nights? After reading the blurbs about it on wikipedia, I saw that some of the aspects of the stories touch upon steampunk concepts, such as mechanical horses and automatons. I want an accurate, unchanged version of the stories. I hate when they have been changed for political correctness or just due to poor translations. I seriously love the richness and the originality of Eastern literature... I wish I could take a class on this in school.

WANTED: For Character Abuse

My poor characters. As authors, we all torture our characters, especially when writers block hits. What better way do we have to move a plot along than to kill or gravely injure one of our precious literary children? Is this illegal? Is this abuse? No and Yes. I am guilty of taking my anger and frustration out on certain characters in the most cruel way. Typically psychological torture is my favorite, but only done on a select few characters (sorry Nicky and Satchel). To me, this is an apology to all the characters I have abused over this years. I'd like to say I'm reformed, but I know I will do again (probably in about twenty minutes or so).

What Would You Do?

How would you feel if you came to treat a patient who was your friend and found him covered in third degree burns?

That is the question I'm faced with during the scene I am currently working on. It's very hard to know what someone would do if you have never been put in that situation. The two men in this scene were friends in college, became adults and remained friends, and the one who is a doctor has treated everytime he has had a major illness. Illness is often very different than physican injury in the way it impacts others. What would you do or say to your friend when you saw him lying in a bed, burnt and in pain?

I Missed A Day!

Oh my god! I can't believe I missed a day! I was really tired last night because I had run around all day. I got all my books for school (except one, which is coming by mail) and went to one of my favorite restaurants Cafe Eclectic in Montclair! I love that place, coffee and food is awesome!

My teacher replied to my email with my first chapter. SHE LOVED IT!!! I'm ecstatic. Seriously, I'm so happy. I wrote about things I had no idea about, and they actually came out sounding knowledgeable. So many hours reading articles about zeppelins and crashes, seriously I was pulling my hair out writing about it. I'll write more of this story for sure. I got some typo feedback (I have a love-hate relationship with spellcheck. Autocorrect needs to die a horrible death). I love having someone objective read my work and give me feedback.

Happy Birthday!

Today was my dad's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!!! He doesn't read my blog, but I think the shout out is good enough. Today was a crazy day. Went to work, got home, went out to dinner for my dad's b-day, and got home late. I haven't gotten the chance to write much today, but I'm basically precopying a scene I wrote last week but editting it as I type it. Should be good hopefully...

Victorian medicine... One part science, one part quackery. It is rather interesting. They're on the cusp of modern medicine and yet they turn to such weird measures to get it. After watching the show Oddities, I really want a Victorian medical kit one day. That and a skull, not a real one, I'd prefer a replica. Sometimes I get spooked by these things since I believe in ghosts and spirits. Oh yes! Another interesting topic is spiritualism in the Victorian Era. All those seances and ouji boards, sounds like a thirteen year old's sleep over to me.

Forgotten Dreams

Well, that dream sequence I was talking about yesterday... I cut it out. It really didn't flow well, and I didn't like how I was forcing it out. It's gone. It has been condensed down to a paragraph. The dreams were too abstract in relation to what they represented, I don't know if anyone else would have any idea what they meant. I sent the first chapter to my English professor. Now, I'm waiting on pins and needles to see what she has to say about it. I want feedback badly, positive and negative.

Today, for a certain other character within this story, I looked up automatons. Very creepy sometimes. They look like Howedy Doody (I find him creepy as hell). One that I thought was particularly interesting was the doll that drew four different pictures on a glass tablet. I want one, seriously. I would burn it out though since I'd probably show everyone and watch it about a thousand times myself. Anyone else love this?

PS- Is it pathetic to look forward to eating a CLT sandwich? (cheese=c)

Snow Day!

I had a reprieve from cutting my fingers on file folders today since I had an unplanned day off from work due to snow. My fingers thank you, snow gods.

Since I had a day off, I planned on writing a bit. Never did. Well, I did a little, like as in a paragraph, and I messed around with a huge capital letter I wanted at the beginning of the chapter (in the end I deleted it). This dream sequence is so hard for me, and I don't know why. I'm trying to make the dream an altered version of what is really happening to him in real life, like when your alarm goes off and in your dream you make it music or a phone ringing. I'm comparing bugs chewing flesh to debrising a wound and mummifying to bandaging someone. The second should be easier, but I still question whether or not I should put these scenes into the story.

Cuts and Quotes

Office work is obviously not my cup of tea. I have been sorting through papers and constanly cutting my fingers on manilla folders. If you have never done that before, it's like a papercut on steroids. I had one that bled so bad, I needed two bandaids.

Here's a tiny taste of chapter one of my current project. Enjoy these few lines.
"He followed the voice in the distance, stepping over broken furniture, fractured wood, and bodies. Staring at him as he ventured through the fiery abyss was the bartender. His eyes vacantly stared ahead, his body splayed, and his neck contorted at an impossible angle. The flames licked at his neck and bit at his hair, charring the skin around his temples." -Kara Jorgense

A Juggling Act

Today was my first day of temp. work. My hands have been cut by manila folders, but I had a good day, and I felt really productive. I did a lot in one day, and I'm getting paid for all my hard work. I have also learned that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Being away from microsoft word has made me want to write really badly when I get home. I wrote the rest of the chapter I was working on in record time. The down side, I'm really tired. I'm turning in early, but I'm proud of my work both at work and on my own story. Somehow I feel that I will really appreciate my day off on Friday.

The Age of Airships

I am currently working on a scene involving a zeppelin crash. Oy, I'm so tired of looking up the Hindenburg and trying to decipher not only plane and zeppelin lingo but nautical words as well! I am neither a pilot nor a captain. The up side of this research is I get to watch videos of zeppelins exploding and crashing over and over. This scene is so challenging and requires research. I want to get it right, but luckily, I realized by protagonist would be disortiented, so certain details could be left out. I love the challenge and the life-changing event that occurs during it, but I'll be happy when I'm done with it.

PS- Finally doing some real work starting tomorrow!

Productivity

Ahhhh, the sound of keys tapping productively. Today, I actually got some work done, which makes me so happy. I had been stuck on something stupid, but today, the flood gates of depression closed and the rainbow of productivity shown on microsoft word (oh my god, that was an odd sentence). I really like how this has been going. Sometimes I feel like certain areas of my stories are trudged through, but since I have started college, I feel that my quality control is much better. A bit more confidence in myself hasn't hurt either.

**Only 1 follower? I'm so depressed, and that follower is my boyfriend. How pathetic**

Yokai and Obake and Yurei, Oh My!

Today, I decided to do a little research into Japanese myths and folklore. In college, I learned a bit about Shinto, and as I discovered from wikipedia, there is a spirit for everything. Spirits inhabit any and all pieces of furniture, which is interesting since everything came from something natural at some point. What I find really funny are some of the really odd creatures and their descriptions. Some examples are:

Akaname- a spirit that licks an untidy bathroom
Jinmenju- a tree with fruit with human faces
Kamaitachi- a slashing sickle-weasel
Kosode-no-te- a short sleeved kimono with its own hands
Obariyon-a spook that rides piggy back on a human and becomes unbareably heavy
Tofu-kozo- the spirit of a child carrying tofu

Others are rather frightening sounding, such as a women with two mouths and a horsehead hanging from a tree. (~shiver~ ew). The Japanese have some very interesting and rather terrifying creatures within their mythology. I love how they have spirits for odd sensations and things to explain earthquakes and tsunamis (a giant catfish). Overall, very complex thus far. I hope I can use this knowledge for something.

Short Post

Lately, I've been really into Eastern culture. If anyone knows of any good books about it, fiction or nonfiction, send me a message or comment. I'd love to incorporate it into one of my books, and I'm trying to a bit right now with this current book. Let's see if I actuallt finish it.

On the subject of books, I tried ordering some of my textbooks from Barnes and Noble to save some money (the college book store is a bit of a rip off at times). I have one book already shipping and another was "unavailable". I bought it and like two days later the seller cancelled, so I had to reorder it for like thirty dollars more. I hate buying from independent sellers.

Frustration

Well, I'm still freaking out over having to read my paper at the conference in April, but the good thing is it's in April, so I have months to stew over it. This break (after Christmas) has been so boring. I'm actually looking forward to school and my creative writing class.

Ugh, I've been trying to write more, as always. I wrote a bit last night at like 10 or 11, which was great, but today, I've been stuck. Plus, I don't feel that great at the moment, so I don't know which caused which first. It's so frustrating to have ideas, but have no desire or umph to put it on paper or you write something, think it's terrible, and erase it. Please let my creative constipation pass!

Sci-Fi and Fantasy Conference

Great news! I just got accepted into a women in sci-fi and fantasy literature conference. I sent in an abstract in December about the female characters of the Harry Potter series. My English teacher, Dr. Lindroth, helped me get it in ship shape. I have to thank her for helping me out and smoothing out my rough ideas. The down side is.... I didn't realize I had to present it. I feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. Why else would I write a paper for it? When I read the acceptance letter, my throat closed a little. I'm more of a behind the scenes person, and I sometimes get the "I'm-going-to-throw-up" look when I have to give a speech. I've never really been accepted to anything except college, so it's a nice change. Why am I a biology major again?

Literature and the Arts

I swear since I have been working on this story, my coffee consumption has doubled. (I've also been trying to cut back on the soda).

Completely onto a different topic. My boyfriend drew my protagonist from some descriptions I gave him. It looks awesome! Just the way I pictured him, it was amazing! One part young Indiana Jones, one part Nathan Fillion, a little Dr. Who, and Brad Pitt's nose (not my doing, but it worked perfectly!). I love seeing my characters come to life on paper. It would be absolutely perfect if it could appear in the back or as one of the chapter dividers. My boyfriend has drawn my characters before, but this is the best by far. He's a talented artist, and this year he seems to have come into his own. Within a semester, the quality and precision of his art has advanced tremendously. I don't know if he knows it, but I'd love to have him illustrate any of my stories, and I hope he eventually does.

Resources and Writer's Block

-sigh- Not much writing being done today despite my best efforts to stay on task. Instead, I am doing some research for an upcoming scene. I've been looking up malaria, yellow fever, and other nasty diseases prevelent during the Victorian Era.

Some pretty good resources for creative writers, at least in my eyes, are:
www.20000-names.com/ for naming characters or places
http://www.wikipedia.org/ as always, a great resource for getting a basic knowledge of any topic under the sun
http://www.scribd.com/doc/6226670/List-Over-300-Ways-to-Say because we all get hung up on the word said.
http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm No one wants to make a "Bella Swan"
http://www.deviantart.com/ A wealth of artwork that can inspire you (aka prompts)

Welcome

Hi everyone,
I know this blog is very empty (and has no followers), but it will eventually. Let me introduce myself. My name is Kara Jorgensen. I'm a full time college student majoring in Biology and minoring in English. My passion is writing above all else, and I want to share my experiences with you. I derive much of my inspiration from Anne Rice, Edgar Allan Poe, Douglas Preston, Lincoln Child, and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. My writing mainly consists of novellas or unfinished novels (many unfinished due to the demands of school). The genre of literature I tend to write in is often fantasy, steampunk, or a combination of those with mystery and a bit of horror occassionally. All writers torture their characters to get even with them for writer's block. Eventually, I post some cool stuff I find online or about how my current work is going. Maybe I'll even get something published in the near (or distant) future.
Sincerely,
Kara J.