Purging my Soul

Technically, I'm trying to get some work done for a Medieval Literature test I have on Thursday, but I need to get some emotion and tension out. Since the end of August, right before school began, my grandma has been in and out of the hospital. She and I had, had a falling out a few years ago, but it had become friendly once again and I saw her nearly every weekend. She suddenly had a seizure, and we have come to find out that she has (now had) two brain tumors. They were quickly removed, but now, she is in rehab actually beginning to do a little better. Despite being my stoney, stoic self, this has really been bothering me. I worry about her a lot and worry what all this stress is doing to my mom and aunts. My uncle/her son has been absent throughout this and only comes in to act as the Monday night quarterback after my aunts make a decision. I'm kind of glad he's staying in Pennsylvania and out of their hair since he usually just causes added stress, and I'm pretty sure my one aunt may kill him if he continues to act like a spoiled child. I'm just worried. I want my grandma to get better. She probably needs chemo or radiation, but it has been put on the back burner until her health and strength return. I don't want her to go through more surgeries. I want her to gain back her strength and come home, especially for if not Thanksgiving, at least Christmas. Thankfully, she's been eating on her own and speaking (though softly) more. Her right side has been weakened, so it's hard for her to walk at the moment. She had a good therapist Dame the other day that she actually LIKES, so we're hoping that maybe we can request he help her since the others act like she's too far gone. My grandma is not feeble, she is not some little old lady. My grandma every Friday would scrub down all the floors and bathrooms and vacuum every godforsaken crevice of that house. I think if she had physical therapy with a vacuum, she may recover faster (haha). Sorry for the rambling, but writing all this is very therapeutic for me. It keeps me from busting out crying when I try to convey this stuff aloud.

Please pray for my grandma, Florence Moore. I want her to get better more than anything.

The Death of Cats

To those who know me in real life, they know I used to want to be a doctor, but recently that idea has gone down the tubes for my own ethical reasons. I have the talent and intelligence for it and could definitely make it through medical school scholastically, but something about dissecting something for the hell of it has turned me off completely.

I research diseases and abnormalities on my own for my writing or just for pleasure, but after a day in anatomy and physiology lab, I decided it was not for me. Kids who were in this class with me will probably think I'm being immature or pathetic, but I can't do it. It wasn't because of blood or organs, it was because of where the creature we were dissecting came from. We were given cats to dissect. My problems with this lab are as follows:

1. It was simply for exploratory purposes, no assignment to accompany it or goals. Just cut and stare. I feel these poor animals gave their lives for us to simply desecrate their bodies with no intellectual gain.
2. I have three cats, and I assume these cats came from a lab or were bought from shelters. These cats were raised to be used for medical or cosmetic research or were in kill shelters and sold to lab companies for the purpose of being cut up. Were these cats abused or neglected during this process? The questionable origins make me not want to engage in this dissection. They were skinny, lacking a decent coat, and all looked as if they were screaming with mouth open, eyes open, and feet clenched, an animal put to sleep are in relaxed positions not tensed.
   
3. Cats aren't as anatomically close to humans as other lab animals are. While pigs and rats deserve a respectable life as well, they are used more often for anatomical research. Rats are a common animal in research labs and would later be used if the students went into that field of research with their biology degree, and baby pigs, which often come from slaughter houses), have similarly shaped and placed anatomy compared to humans, so they could easily replace an expensive human cadaver while still teaching comparative anatomy.
4. They were disposed of like garbage. It always bothers me when people throw their dead pets out with the trash (vet clinics included). My teacher mentioned how the janitors hated cleaning up the trash after these labs. Could you blame them? 10-12 screaming, dead cats in the trash can isn't a pleasant thing to come across. I feel that after these labs, these animals should be cremated (especially since they have been preserved with chemicals that will seep into the ground of a dump and cause havoc) by a special service. We do the lab once a year as anatomy 1 is offered only one semester, how much could it really cost to have them cremated?

I just feel that domesticated animals do not need to be used for testing, laboratory, or academic purposes. They aren't anatomically close to humans nor are they used properly and to their fullest in an academic setting. Unless this is amended, you will not find me in any medical school or research setting. I am not going to sacrifice the life of an animal that could be in a loving home to submit them to torture or to have them live out their life in a cage without a name. I will not raise an animal to kill it. I will not go against my own beliefs that an animal is blessed with a soul as we are. While my field of study is science, I cannot dilute myself into believing that we are devoid of a supernatural connection to the other side and that these experiments do not inflict pain and suffering onto an animal, the most helpless and innocent of creatures. The day I stood staring down at that poor cat, looking over its black and white spots and yellow eyes, I thought of concentration camps, people experiments on and waiting to die. Are these caged and neglected animals, born with only a number and file, any different? In good conscience, I cannot participate, I will not be the final stop for this creature, I will not take a way the last bit of dignity this creature has by destroying its body. I will not participate.

Arabian Nights

Current projects: reading A Thousand and One Arabian Nights and continuing my work on the now titled Earl of Brass.

I am craving Moroccan food incredibly badly right now, but alas, the best place is an hour away near Caldwell. Ugh... all I want is Pastilla au Poulet and Moroccan cigars (an appetizer, I don't smoke). It was so delicious -drools-. Working on this story doesn't help either as my main character is rather wrapped up in the tastes of the near and far East. Oh, Eilian, why must you make me think of curry and Japanese cuisine!? I'm also researching tuberculosis, aka consumption in the Victorian Era, which is kind of a pain in the rear. On the internet, so many pages just barely mention how it effected the era or they discuss drug resistant TB, which didn't exist in the Victorian Era since there weren't any drugs to treat it. I found a book in my room that focuses on the historical context of disease with a section on TB, so hopefully, it'll be more helpful to me.

Writing has been ultra slow recently due to work and research. Work is okay, hits slow points throughout the day unfortunately, but it isn't bad at all. I think I need some inspiration (which I really want to come from Arabian Nights), but as of right now, I'm brain dead still. On a brighter note, I get to see Cirque du Soliel's latest production Zarkana in July!!! I can't wait!

Mommy's Little Distraction

Mommy's favorite little distraction is a sheltie mix named Edgar. As you can see, he spends most of his time nipping at my feet, chilling in my arms, or chewing unknowing toys to death (or ice cubes now that he's teething). Let's just say my productivity has greatly diminished since he arrived several months ago, and with school, it was nearly impossible to get anything for fun done. Despite starting work in the next few days, I will be working on my story that involves a zeppelin and an archaeologist with only one arm. Well, that takes me back to the good old days of actually enjoying what I'm writing. Soon, it'll be back to science classes, tears, and hair between my fingers after I have ripped it out. For now, I will enjoy my summer, especially when I get to see Cirque du Soleil around my birthday. (I also hope you all enjoyed my color pajama pants and oddly patterned hoodie).

Another One Bites the Dust

Well, Osama Bin Laden is dead now, supposedly confirmed by DNA analysis (anyone else wonder how they got results so fast when everyone else waits a month for a blood test?). While I'm glad that he is dead, I have to wonder what will be the backlash of this act. He NEEDED to die, but even if you kill the leader, another is ready to take his place. I know I won't be stepping foot on a plane for a while. I get annoyed, stop playing all the patriot music on the radio until we know they won't blow something up or crash a plane into another building. There WILL be some sort of retaliation. It was a great call for Obama, very gutsy, but we need to calm down and think for a moment.

School Up the Whazzoo

The title should be self explanatory. I've been bogged down with tons of school work recently, and over spring break, rather than do work, I did... nothing. Oh well, it seems like everyone did nothing too. I have a fantasy-scifi conference in April for which I have to do an essay. The topic is fairly easy but getting it done is killing me. I have a big organic chemistry test Monday (every organic test is big), which is hanging over me like a piano in Looney Toons. -Sigh- why must everyone want something out of me at the same time?

Just as a side note, and I won't get into this, but if you're in a class involving creativity, you should be able to handle criticism. There, I've gotten it out of my system.

Japan

The internet is the greatest way to spread the word and connect the world. Everyone knows (unless you live under the proverbial rock) that Japan has suffered through an 8.9 earthquake and a tsunami that has wiped out whole villages near the coast. While earthquakes are common in that region, the tsunami has devastated the country almost up the entire coast. Their national guard and red cross cannot handle the amount of damage. They're running low on body bags, and it is estimated that there are at least 10,000 dead. We live in a country as developed (or even less) than theirs. Remember Hurricane Katrina, the tsunami in the pacific only two years ago, and even in history, there was an earthquake and tsunami that destroyed Lisbon in 1755. We need to ban together and send money and supplies as soon as possible. To donate $10, text redcross to 90999. You can also called 1800redcross or to donate by mail, go to www.redcross.org and hover over 'giving and getting involved' and click 'mail' to get the form you have to print and place in the envelope with your donation. I wish the best for the people of Japan and pray that they will find their loved ones alive and safe.